"Where are you now?"

"WHERE ARE YOU NOW?"

On a sunny 2020 morning, exactly June 26 I would say, I left bed before dawn for heading toward the adjoining greenbelt to suck a gush of fresh cool breeze. Before that, I thought about going upstairs to see if my darling fur baby had risen or if he was still enjoying sleep under the open sky. Interruptingly, my mother said, "You just go and come back hurriedly after having a quick run because Billu usually comes downstairs around 07:00 AM after playing and morning stretches." I wanted to check on him, but I figured I'd be back before he wakes up, like he slept late the night before. Finally, I left and made it to Greenland. I started racing. When I was halfway through my first lap, I suddenly felt like Billu called me "Mum". Like he was close by or had some trouble. Abruptly, a strange sense of fear grasped my heart and I straightway started moving back towards home.

After I got back, I asked my Mom, "Where is Billu?" She reverted, "He's still upstairs. Didn't come down." I ran to check, but to only feel dread. He was not there. I screamed in all directions over and over again, "Billu, Billu, Billu." But to no avail. Nothing from Billu yet. No meow in response. I desperately started to peep into everyone's house, but not any reflection of my darling. He would jump into other people's territory earlier as well, but he always intimated me with his sweet meowing that where he was. The same could have happened on that day also but I was appalled for some unknown reasons. I asked an elderly uncle next door, "Did you see, Billu?" He replied with a smile, "He is a naughty cat, will be back soon."

I attempted to feel relaxed with that little assurance, but in the heart of hearts I was restless. I came downstairs and sat silently with my mom. I had no desire to do anything that day. I just wanted to hold off. I couldn't eat at all. Only my mother could comprehend dephthness of my attachment with him. She was making sure that Billu would be back this afternoon. My wait extended from an hour to two, three, four, but Billu didn't arrive. And I wasn't able to control my grief, I wasn't looking at the mother for fear of crying. I prayed to God for keeping Billu safe and moved out to seek here and there. Throughout that hard time, my mom was kidding to calm me down with the words, “Maybe he left with his girlfriend." But I was not cheered up by anything. I was in a state of panic. I kept calling his name all day long in my neighbourhood and finally in the evening, I went upstairs again to check if any miracle had brought him back. I was racing my eyes on everyone's rooftop to catch a glimpse of my fur ball. A lady and her husband on the back left-hand house were observing me because they often spotted us playing on the roof. Perhaps they knew something, but they didn't say anything, I guessed so. My throat was choking at the moment due to fear. It got dark, and Billu didn't show. My eyes kept welling up again and again. However, I kept a good check on my tears to hide from Mommy.

I was canvassing all the corners of my rooftop. I was trying to trace something. Just a week before that, Billu was slightly injured in the foot and he always left traces of blood everywhere he walked and it kept me cleaning the floor again and again. To my surprise, I noticed, there were blood prints only in a particular place and beyond that no spot. How could that be? As if he was bleeding, where were other stains. What else, his bowl full of food was not touched as he always finished it overnight. It was alarming, someone probably came to our roof to abduct him. I immediately went down to check the security footage, focused on every moment on the screen and finally found that the cameras were not running from 01:00AM to 02:30 AM. It means someone attacked him over the course of those hours. My heart sank. So, before I went to sleep, I briefed nearly everyone I knew about Billu's disappearance. I received messages from my students who assured me that they would find him shortly. And they made all their best efforts in getting our entire Sector scanned, inquired from all garbage collectors, checked into nearby veterinarians and informed me of all the progress from time to time. The next day, when I went upstairs, what I found, Billu's food bowl was severely hit by someone and food was dispersed. That time I had confirmation that some malicious person abducted Billu from the roof, maybe some thief or I can't tell who. That same person came back the following night after that spiteful act. Even then, without losing hope, I went to every street, alley, park, market, temple, calling his name loudly but there was no response.

My mom said, "People would mock you. You are dying following a feline." For my family and friends he was just a cat, but for me he had become more important than any other relationship, the most sought-after being in my life. I visited all the food stores, showed Billu's pictures and asked if a cat came to their store so I could locate Billu near that cat. Everyone denied, but assured me to provide all information going forward. In the evening, I asked my mother to have a word with the family who lives at the back of our house. Male member of the family responded, "Billiyan to aisi hi hoven, khaye, piye, khiske (Cats are like that, they eat, drink and flee.)" Those words, I still find disgusting. My mother gave me a dressing down after she came down and said, "I will not inquire about your cat from anyone." It was rough on me. Two days passed, Billu didn't turn up. I knew it, he was missing me a great deal, and so was I. My students who were initially enthusiastic about searching for Billu, by and by they lost hope, but for one thing I was grateful to them that they left no stone unturned in the pursuit of my little one. It was my bad luck, I might say, I lost my sweetheart due to my own negligence as I left him unattended on the rooftop for having fun. I shouldn't have allowed him alone time or I should have kept an eye on him. Whatever the case, he was gone. I was praying to  Almighty all the time for his safety and well-being, and the most importantly to get him fed in due time because he felt hungry after every little while. On the third day, in the afternoon, my mother was asleep, and I felt really low, unable to move even. The minute she woke up, she asked, "What happened to you?" I was speechless. She came near me, I hugged her tightly and started wailing at the top of my voice, "Somebody has stolen my child, somebody has stolen my child." She tried to calm me down, only then she realized my relentless anguish.

That day, I came to know that to express your pain, it is must to shed tears, otherwise nobody will understand the hell you pass through. Anyway, I didn't need anyone's sympathy, I just wanted my Billu back. The next evening, one of the ladies at the back side house said, "Tu aur le aa, wo achchaa nahi thaa (You bring another cat, he wasn't that good)". The minute she puked those hurtful words, tears rolled down my cheeks and I uttered, "I just want Billu." And I instantly left that place without any further response to her. Through and through I got an idea, who stole my cat. I don't want to name names, but the person who did this, should bear in mind that no one could escape his or her own bad deeds. If you separate two magnetic cores, you yourself will certainly pass through that trauma. Destiny spares none. It's been a year since I lost my baby, neither am I able to forgive the kidnappers nor am I willing to give my Prince's place to someone else. Also, I want to share that last month, during the night between May 23 and 24, when I was awfully sad about Billu's whereabouts, he appeared in my dream and said, "Mum, I am here with you, you just can't see me anymore." Oh my Gosh, I never wanted that dream to end. However, the reality is always different and painful. I still ask you Billu, "WHERE ARE YOU NOW?" Your mum misses you, my cutie!

* Doesn't seem true but Billu always called me Mum, a different sound than Meow.❤️